I recoil inside at the mention of Covid-19. My heartrate speeds up a little and I try change the topic as fast as possible. I’m not the only one who has an adverse reaction.

I wonder what thoughts and feelings come up for you? Since people are unique, our responses vary. For some it evokes a sense of fear, grief, anger, or helplessness. Some think of the disease itself; others a loved one they lost; others yet recall their changes in employment, or the social or financial ramifications. I think about the years of social distancing, and it triggers stress.

What I found most stressful was making the “right” decisions. Do we keep the grandparents away from their new grandchild? Should we visit with that family whose kids have a sniffle? Should we tell them our son sneezed twice yesterday? Some of these examples I’ve exaggerated (but only slightly).

Also stress-inducing for somewhat of a people-pleaser was the excessive potential for conflict. Get vaccinated – Don’t get vaccinated. Stay home – Keep the economy going. Come on over even if you’re sick – Don’t come near us if you’re possibly sick. How to say no? What about differing comfort levels between friends? Or spouses? Where does faith come in to all this? When will it end?!

Growing in Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is a crucial first step toward healing, so my recent realisation was a good start. We don’t look for help if we don’t realise we need it. Here are some emotions that talk of covid might trigger:

• Stress and overwhelm when facing decisions, extra responsibilities, and huge changes.
• Fear of death, sickness, suffering, losing loved ones, the list is long.
• Grief over losses, whether people, physical health, employment, dreams, finances.
• Frustration over things not going as one would expect.
• Anger/Rage toward politicians, medical staff, the media, friends and relatives who took a different perspective.
• Bitterness/Cynicism/Resent over being hurt by others, intentionally or not.
• Regret over one’s decisions or actions.
• Helplessness in the face of illness and worldwide policy enforcement.
• Hopelessness at the thought of no good coming out of the situation.
• There are many other responses.

Why does it matter how we respond to a past event?

Maturity in Christ

My reaction to the topic of covid showed that I was not responding from my identity in Christ, but rather from my “old self” or my “flesh.” As we mature spiritually, we will live more “full-time” from our identity in Christ. But this does not happen automatically. We must replace our default responses and old thought patterns with God’s objective truth.

The truth is I don’t need to fear because God is with me, and He works everything together for the good of those who love Him and for His glory. I don’t need to be stressed or overwhelmed because He is the Prince of peace and He offers that peace to me. I don’t need to feel regret because God redeems everything and there is forgiveness when I have sinned.

Sin

Some of these responses are sinful, or at least tempt us to sin. For example, bitterness is rooted in unforgiveness and pride. We are offended, and we think we are better than the person who hurt us. Fear tempts us to take our eyes off God, to make internal vows, and to disobey God when He asks us to do something.

I tried to shut down any covid conversation so I could avoid the internal stress it evoked. See how I tried to control others by steering the conversation? By suppressing my emotions and enforcing restrictions, I may have limited what God wanted to do in those situations.

We also limit the ways in which God can reach out to others through us. If my four-year-old compulsively hits children younger than her, I am going to restrict the opportunities she will have to play with younger children. If I spew anger or spread fear, God is more likely to use someone else to reach out to certain people.

Self-Focus

Many of our responses show we are focused on the self rather than on God. Our task is to confess our sin and our self-obsession, then look to God and receive His forgiveness. We remind ourselves of His sovereignty, goodness, faithfulness, and His redemptive nature, and we always reorient to trusting Him.

Wounded hearts

If my toe is infected and you step on it, I am likely to have an exaggerated reaction. When something or someone external has the ability to make us feel out of control internally, we need help. We need healing. Heart infections are most often cleaned by practising repentance and forgiveness.

Practice for next time

Covid shook us, but it is not the last time we will be shaken. If we can work through our immature responses to being shaken, we will be more deeply rooted in Christ and more grounded for the next trial we face. The waves may lurch, and the winds may howl, but we will stand, our hearts steadfast, and our eyes fixed on Jesus, our hope and glory.

How do we change our responses?

We grow more when we reflect on our experiences than we do living through them. This means being intentional and willing to face what is in our hearts.

One way to reflect on an experience is by journalling about it. As we journal, we grow in our awareness of our thoughts, emotions and motives; of what we are harbouring in our hearts; of our need for confession; and of the places we need healing and transformation.

We also invite the Holy Spirit to speak to us, to bring to light anything we need to know, and to remind us of relevant Scriptures. He will bring insight and healing. We journal His truth that will renew our minds and transform us and our responses.

Covid Debrief Journal Prompts

I have created a downloadable document with Covid debrief journal prompts. It includes prompts such as:

• What images or metaphors come to mind when you think about Covid-19?
• What has Covid cost you?
• How would you describe your interactions with people of a different opinion: Aggressive? Assertive? Passive? Passive aggressive?

PS. Be sure to invite God to speak to you as you work through these prompts. He would love to meet with you on this topic!