I don’t usually stomp around the house. But I couldn’t hide it on Saturday. I was feeling frustrated and discontent. I managed not to slam any doors, but my words were short and my actions were rough. I was trying my best, but I felt guilty for being such awful company. I don’t think my husband wanted to be anywhere near me. I didn’t realise it at the time, but I was feeling overwhelmed.

Perhaps you have felt like this before. You might have experienced it as anger or frustration, anxiety or simply a feeling of discontent. Everywhere you look seems to be another reminder of something else you need to do: another chore, another item on your to-do list, another responsibility. Internally you sigh. It’s even worse when those around you are enjoying themselves and do not realise the weight of what you are facing.

You don’t have to struggle your way through. You can regain a clear mind and have peace in the moment. Here’s how:

1. Pause

Slow down. Take a few deep breaths. Tell yourself that you will be okay and that this feeling isn’t going to last forever.

Become aware of God’s presence. He says He is everywhere. Can you acknowledge He is with you in this moment? He is not overwhelmed. Can you start to feel the peace of His presence?

Ask yourself what you need. Even though I was pushing my husband away by my actions, what I really needed was a hug from him and reassurance that it was going to be okay. Do you need sleep? A break? Breakfast?

2. Make a list of all the things that are stressing you

I had started making cookies three days before, but I wasn’t getting around to cracking the walnuts the recipe called for. Every time I opened the fridge, the batter sat there, glaring at me. Or maybe I was glaring at it.

I needed to finish a gift for our niece as we were seeing her the following day. I was looking forward to the creative project, but it was another thing on my never-ending to-do list.

There was stuff lying on the floors and tables in every room in our house. Much of it was evidence of our busy one-year-old: toys, tubs, empty boxes. I had to tread carefully to avoid tripping or breaking something. I was also tired of trying to find a small space of clean surface in our kitchen every time I wanted to make a cup of tea. My bedroom floor was covered in piles of papers and slightly used clothing that was not dirty enough to end up in the laundry. The chaos was getting to me, but at least I had it on a list.

3. Tell someone who “gets it”

You need someone who can simply listen and validate your feeling overwhelmed. I asked my husband to sit on the couch with his arm around me while I listed everything that I was finding stressful. I just wanted him to listen. There, I said it. I was surprised that there were only three things, but it felt good to say them aloud to him.

The person you tell doesn’t have to agree with you; they just need to validate your perspective. My husband thought I was nuts by still wanting to include walnuts in the cookie recipe. To him, baking them without nuts would solve the issue. It’s true, it would have been less frustrating, but I really wanted nuts in the cookies! Even though he disagreed with me, he was still able to validate my frustration that it was Day 3 and the cookies were still incomplete.

Who can you tell? Is there someone you live with or someone you could call? Make sure to tell them you’d like them to listen and validate your perspective. You’re not asking them to fix anything. Problem solving can come later if you feel open to it.

Telling God is always an option. There is nothing too big to tell Him, even if you have gotten yourself into a predicament. There is also nothing too small to tell Him. He wants to hear it all, because He cares about you. In 1 Peter 5:7 He invites you to do more than tell Him: you can leave your anxieties with Him, because He cares for you. The Psalmist was good at telling God what was overwhelming him. If you’re struggling to express yourself, find a Psalm that fits what you are going through and read it to God.

4. Tackle one thing

Sometimes finishing the shortest, easiest task first can build momentum for starting other tasks. Other times you need to ignore the small things and tackle the big one you have been putting off. If you are sleep-deprived, make that your one thing and take a nap as soon as you can. Take a moment after each accomplishment to congratulate yourself and remind yourself that you can do this. Maybe it was a small thing, but to someone who is overwhelmed, it’s a big deal.

I decided to finish the birthday gift as it was the only thing with a deadline. I cleared off a section of the dining room table and worked away. The rest could wait.

5. Enlist help where possible

As hard as it may be to accept help, you really don’t have to do everything yourself. Order take-out for dinner. Postpone your coffee date with a friend (not every time). Brainstorm an idea with a friend. Pray for wisdom with your responsibilities.

In the end my husband cracked walnuts while I worked on the birthday gift. He sat across from me and we enjoyed chatting while we worked together. Then I tidied the living room and he tackled the dishes. I needed his help that time. There are other times he asks for mine.

6. Change your expectations

All you can do is the best you know how with the knowledge and resources you have at the time. Sometimes “good enough” is all you need to aim for. Are your expectations realistic? Which can you lower to a more realistic level? Which items can you postpone? Ask God if there is anything on your plate that should not be there.

Remember, even if you get nothing done, you are loved by God! Even if you miss all your deadlines, disappoint 100 people, and totally drop the ball, it does not affect your intrinsic value. That has already been determined by the cross: Jesus showed by His actions that you are worth dying for. Maybe this is the only reminder you need sometimes?

Life can be overwhelming at times, but you don’t have to succumb to living in an overwhelmed state. Nor do you have to get through it alone. You can do this! You can get through feeling overwhelmed one small decision at a time.