You had goals and a timeline. You cringe when you think about them because you didn’t achieve them. The thoughts plague your mind. Maybe you don’t deserve them. Maybe you just don’t have it in you. Maybe God is punishing you. They goals seemed pretty realistic when you made them, so what happened?

Proverbs 16:9 says, “In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps.” We are not in control of everything, but God is sovereign and He is good. That means He has good plans for us, even though they may (and often do) look different to how we imagine. So what can we do?

Goals are good – they give us something to aim for and they help us to grow and live intentionally. The problem is that much in life is outside of our control. We don’t plan for the accident that leaves our body in pain. Or the diagnosis that needs urgent intervention, reduces our capacity drastically and extends our schooling by a year or two. Or the unexpected loss of a job, a loved one, a dream, or our security. Take 2020 for example. Who knew a worldwide pandemic would cut employment opportunities, close schools, disrupt social patterns, shut down international and local travel, radically change everyday activities and still be affecting our societies months later?

My mom had me at age 26. I always thought I’d be married and with a child of my own by that age. I never thought I’d only be starting a family in my 30s. Had I known beforehand I would have been mad at God that He would make me wait so long (I know, for some that seems short and you’re thinking how lucky I am). But I look at my life now and I wouldn’t want it any other way. Who would have thought that God knew best?!

Proverbs 16:9 says, “In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.” We are not in control of everything, but God is sovereign and He is good. That means He has good plans for us, even though they may (and often do) look different to how we imagine. So what can we do?

• Accept where you are at

It’s no use wishing we were at a different place on the map. To figure out our next steps, we’ll need to be honest with our current location. It’s okay to have a general idea of how we would like the next five or ten years to progress, but we need to hold our timeline loosely. We can’t make idols of our plans. It is possible to cultivate contentment and gratitude while still desiring something.

Comparing ourselves to others is unproductive and the only thing it will change is our attitudes (usually for the worse). We cannot allow ourselves to become jealous. Jealousy says more about us and our own insecurities than it does about the other person. Let’s celebrate them instead, as we hope they will do for us when we succeed.

Bitterness and cynicism harden our hearts and push people away. If we find ourselves complaining or constantly seeking validation in our self-pity, we need to make a change. We have become too focused on ourselves. Let’s repent and soften our hearts before God. Perhaps we need to confess to another person what has been happening in our hearts. We may also need to forgive those who have disrupted our plans, intentionally or not.

• Keep wrestling

You have desires for a reason. One of the beauties of our God is that He knows us intimately and He satisfies our desires with good things (Psalm 103:5, 145:16). He is not cruel: He doesn’t dish out desires and then sit back gleefully knowing they will never be satisfied. Even when people act against His will, God redeems the situation for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28).

So, wrestle with your desires! Constantly bring them before God. Pray for their fulfilment. Keep praying. Let your unfulfilled desires push you closer to God rather than away from Him.

Note: I am not writing about sinful desires, but rather those desires close to our hearts that are not fully in our control of being realised. I am writing about the good things that we dream of and pray about often and would sacrifice a lot to make a reality.

• Surrender / Trust

Jesus shows us how to respond when our desires are not fulfilled. In the Garden of Gethsemane, He prays that He would not have to go through the great suffering ahead of Him on the cross. “If it is possible, may this cup be taken from me” (Matthew 26:39). He brings His desire before the Father and He wrestles to the point of extreme anguish marked by the sweating of blood.

But His prayer continues, “Yet not as I will, but as You will.” He surrenders His will, trusting the Father completely. He does not do so begrudgingly, but He wrestles with His own desires until He is able to lay them aside and willingly walk in the will of the Father.

For the sake of the bigger picture, Jesus relinquished His desire to avoid the suffering on the cross and separation from the Father. We may not be able to see the bigger picture in our own circumstances, but are we willing to trust God completely? Sometimes we need to be reminded that it’s not all about us (but that God still has incredibly good plans for us.)

• Find ultimate satisfaction in God

Have you noticed how the thrill of something new wears off after a while? We may really want a new shirt or phone, a certain grade, or a husband, and we feel awesome when we get it – for a little while. But then the next desire pops up: a new fashion trend, a newer phone, the next subject, or the desire for children, and we find ourselves in the same position of desiring the next thing. While none of these desires are wrong in themselves, they show us that even fulfilled desires do not bring ultimate satisfaction.

Too often I pin my hopes on what God can do for me, rather than on God Himself. I forget that what I most deeply desire is God Himself. He is the only One who can satisfy us completely.

I have learned to pray for a greater hunger for God Himself. I want that to be my number one priority in life. I want to be drawn to seek Him in my spare time. I want to be okay with having only Him. I know that if that priority is in place, that the rest of my desires will fall into their proper order.

• Look how far you have come

As Christians, our eternal destination in Christ is secure. Where we end up in life is not what we are measured by. It really is about the journey and the kind of people we become on that journey. We learn valuable lessons from the setbacks and our character is shaped along the way. This is the reason so many people say that they would not trade their unexpected trials for anything different.

Sometimes we focus too much on what is yet ahead (the huge milestones before we accomplish our goals), but we forget to reflect on how far we have come. Look at the kind of person you are today. Sure, if you are like me you may realise there are some things you need to repent of. But you can be proud of the choices you have made to keep turning toward God, to keep wrestling, to keep being honest with where you are at, to keep reaching out for prayer, and to keep wanting to please God. What of value have you gained on your journey that you would not want to trade?

• Figure out the next step

To make the best of your situation ask, “what now?” instead of getting stuck on asking “why?” Why keeps us focused on the past, whereas what now frees us to step into the future. We find where we are on the map, and we figure out what steps to take next to reach our goal. We might decide to change our goal and that is fine too.

For some of us, the next step is to repent. Maybe you realise you are desiring something more than you desire God. Or you want what He can do for you rather than God Himself. Maybe you have given up wrestling and given in to bitterness or jealousy. Maybe you have stopped dreaming at all. Bring these things before God. Bring your desires with open hands. Choose to trust His plans and timing. Ask Him to satisfy you first and foremost with Himself.

It would be nice if we each had a personal Genie to make our desires come true, but I don’t think we would like the kind of people we would become. (Think Bruce Almighty). Many of us would gratify our selfish desires all the time. We would remain self-centered and likely hurt others. We wouldn’t learn anything from tough times because we would always be rescued from them. We wouldn’t need God.

May you be encouraged to keep bringing your desires before God with open hands. May you keep dreaming despite any timeline concerns you may have. May you keep trusting God – His power and His goodness. May you keep remembering the desires that God has granted you. Your unfulfilled desires have the potential to push you closer to God or to turn you against Him. What will you choose?