You’re supposed to be happy. You’ve waited for so long to graduate, to move houses, to get married. So why the overwhelming sadness?

Grief comes as a result of loss, and with every transition – the wonderful ones and the awful ones – comes some kind of loss. We may find ourselves confused at our sadness, but it is a normal and healthy response to any kind of change.

Grief comes as a result of loss, and with every transition – the wonderful ones and the awful ones – comes some kind of loss. We may find ourselves confused at our sadness, but it is a normal and healthy response to any kind of change.

I love being a mom. I think I was made for it! I am still in awe that we have a first child and I am astounded that we are expecting our second. It seems almost too good to be true and sometimes I have to remind myself that this is really happening to me!

So I was quite surprised that one evening recently I broke down in tears. “I’m going to miss just the three of us.” My shaky comment summed up what was going on inside of me: grief. I am excited to welcome a new baby into our family in a few weeks, but I was also realising what would be lost in the wonderful transition.

Our eighteen-month-old is a beam of sunshine and we are settled into our roles as a family. We have our routines: a walk past the mailbox and a stop at the park for the slide; story time on the black massage chair; playtime with daddy after supper. None of these will be quite the same with the newborn. Of course we will find new games and routines, and of course I wouldn’t want it any other way, but it’s okay to admit that I will miss this season.

What have you grieved during a happy transition? Perhaps you missed your younger siblings when you left home for university or travelling the world. Was it your colleagues when you got promoted? Or dorm life and community when you moved into your own place. There are so many possibilities. We miss the peace and quiet when we get a new puppy. We miss our freedom and independence when we get married. We miss our job as we start parental leave and life with a newborn. All these are losses and may be grieved to some extent, even if only slightly. The next time you enter a new and exciting season, may you remember the following:

• It’s okay to grieve in the good times

It’s actually a good thing. Whether the feelings of sadness at loss arrive before, during, or after the transition, make space for them. Let yourself feel all the feelings. Express them. Don’t judge them. Don’t hold yourself up to “shoulds” and “should nots.” Some people find it helpful to journal their experiences. Others want to talk and have a trusted someone listen. There is no formula for grief. By allowing ourselves to grieve, we are closing the door to one season well so that we can enter the next season fully and well. If we don’t allow ourselves to grieve, or are unable to because of our responsibilities, the grief will come up later. It’s never convenient, but it is part of the journey.

• Ignore guilt

I should be happy. My fiancé might not like that I am sad about losing my single life. Why can’t I just get over the end of this season and move on? The guilt arises because we have expectations. The question is whether our expectations are realistic or not. It takes compassion towards ourselves to accept our emotions as they are and to let them be. We may wish that we could be nothing but happy but denying our sadness will be unfruitful in the long term. How would it look if you were to change your expectations and accept the sadness you did not anticipate, instead of judging it?

• Make memories / Remember often

If you are still leading up to your transition, soak in the moments that remain in your current season. Enjoy the last opportunities to hang out with your college friends. Make a special date with your sister before you leave home. Enjoy a cup of tea on your (tiny) balcony and a walk around the neighbourhood before you move houses. Try not to close off your heart to the people who are around you if you will be moving away soon.

If you are already in your new season, make a point to remember the previous season occasionally. Talk about those times, perhaps with someone with whom you shared that season. Look through the photos. Tell the stories. Laugh at the memories. It is okay to remember those times fondly without devaluing your current season.

• Remember that different people grieve differently

This is true no matter the source of grief. Make space for each other, no matter what you are each experiencing. One may be excited at the same time another is feeling the loss. This is the beauty of humanity – that we get to meet each other and journey alongside one another in whatever state we find ourselves. Be curious about each others’ experience. We get to grow in our love for one another as we get to know and understand each other more (even after years together). We don’t need to apologise for our felt experiences.

• Trust God and His timing

No matter the feelings or fears that surface, we get to put our trust in God, the Almighty Creator who is in control of everything. He made us, and He declared humanity “very good.” Even the complexity of our emotions that we sometimes don’t understand ourselves, is very good. He is not surprised by your journey, nor the timing of events. He will step into your new season with you. Because of Him, it will be wonderful.

You are a beautifully complex human. You are “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14). There is no right or wrong when it comes to experiencing emotions – there just is. (How you express them is a different matter.) As you grieve and are excited at the same time, may you be amazed at yourself and how God has created you. And may you be amazed at God – your Creator – and overflow with joy and gratitude as you step into your new and exciting season.