I once knew something before I knew it. What I mean is that my spirit knew it before my mind did. I could not have put it into words at the time. It was November 2010 and I could feel something in the air. I was excited, but I had only a partial idea why. Something was going to change and it was going to be big. I even composed a poem about it. Less than two months later I made the decision to move across the world from South Africa to Canada. It changed my life drastically.

When I look back at this decision, I am amazed at the clarity I received from God about moving to another continent. Initially the plan was to study in Canada for two years. Ten years later I am wife to a Canadian, mom of two, and a permanent resident of Canada. On the more difficult days and when I miss my family in South Africa, I remember the story of how I came to Canada and I have no doubt that I am where God wants me to be.

In December 2010, my bosses Jack and Pam F visited the USA, making stops at several seminaries including Regent College in Canada. I had helped to plan their trip and this college had for some reason caught my attention. When I visited the Canadian Embassy in South Africa to collect their visas, I sensed that the next time I would be at the embassy would be for myself. In my mind’s eye I saw a picture of a huge set of double wooden doors that were closed. I would not be the one to open them. If God wanted me to resign from my job and go to Canada on a limb, He would have to open those doors.

One month later, on January 4th Pam told me about their trip. At the part about Regent College, she paused and exclaimed: “You should save up all your money and go study there!” It was a confirmation as clear as crystal. The double wooden doors I had seen in my mind swung wide open. Like the baby inside Elizabeth’s womb, my spirit leapt in recognition, this time regarding God’s guidance. What was already known in my spirit was confirmed in my thoughts and my will. This was the work of God.

The following day my scheduled Bible reading offered another confirmation. God said to Abram, “Leave your country, your people, and your father’s household and go to the land I will show you,” (Genesis 12:1). It was as though God was speaking directly to me. In His kindness He had confirmed His leading once again.

Spiritual discernment

[Credit due: I can’t write about spiritual discernment without acknowledging that I learned much of it from a course of the same title offered by Professor Gordon Smith at Regent College, much more than I have written here. It turned out to be the most practical course from my three years at Regent College.]

Spiritual discernment is a process of being guided from within. We are attentive to the heart in the light of the Holy Spirit. It is something we can learn and grow in. We pay attention to the deeper emotional contours of our hearts. Does our spirit recognise the peace and joy that mark an opportunity from God? We can’t contrive this kind of peace and joy. We either have it or we do not. I do not mean the fickle emotions that change from one minute to the next. Deeper than those, we experience a settled peace, or an unsettled uneasiness. Learning to recognise these is to grow in spiritual discernment.

As a single person I used to get frustrated when married people spoke about choosing their spouses. “How do you know you have found ‘the one’?” we would ask. Their answer was almost always, “You just know.” Now that I am married, I cannot think of a better reply!

But this knowing in our spirits is not only for the married. It is for every child of God in all our decisions. There is a settled peace that comes when we choose a path of the Lord’s leading. To the contrary there is that unsettled feeling of unrest that comes when we contemplate otherwise. We must determine not to move forward until we do know deep down inside ourselves.

More than rational

“The one without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned.”

– 1 Corinthians 2:14

God’s ways do not always make sense to the mind, or to those without the Holy Spirit. When else in history (other than at God’s command) does a man hit a rock and water gushes out, or raise his staff and the sea waters part (Exodus 14 & 17)? Most people do not go calling dead people to wake up four days after they have died (John 11). It is counter-intuitive to have a Saviour of the world who dies. The things of the Spirit are a mystery and easily missed when we operate only according to what is rational.

Revelation is the kind of knowledge that comes to us from a supernatural source – from God. In the Western world we have done an injustice by exalting empirical knowledge at the expense of revelation. When God reveals something that only He could have known, He catches people’s attention and shows them that He is real, that He knows and cares. When God gives us revelation, our faith increases.

Rather than eliminating possibilities that do not make logical sense, we must learn to test things first with our spirits: Do our spirits leap for joy? Do we “just know” something in our spirits that is still in the process of being revealed in the natural (like my anticipation of moving to Canada)? Or do our spirits wither at the thought of something (likely God leading us not to act on this possibility)? When we choose to respond in faith – without relying on our minds – we bring joy to our Father and make way for the impossible to emerge.

Asking for Signs

For years I used to seek signs and confirmations outside of myself. I would flip open my Bible and point to a verse, hoping it would confirm a decision. I would make bargains with God while I drove: if the light was still green when I got to the intersection it would mean I could go ahead with a decision. If it was red, God was saying no. The problem was that no matter what colour the light, I discounted it. Something niggled inside me, and I would still be uncertain which way to proceed. Often in His grace God does grant us the confirmation we seek, but He wants us to grow into a more mature faith through acts of obedience.

When God sent an angel to Gideon to instruct him to lead the Israelites in battle against the Midianites, Gideon was afraid (see Judges 6). He sought multiple signs from God. First he prepared an offering, which was consumed by a fire he did not provide. He then set out a fleece and requested God make the fleece wet but the ground dry overnight. It was so, and Gideon requested vice versa the following night.

God graciously complied, but the story is no praise of Gideon. The glory belongs to God alone, who humbles Himself to fit (for a moment) within the boxes we so neatly construct for Him. God had already spoken to Gideon and called him “mighty warrior,” yet Gideon doubted God and asked for further confirmation. In his fear and unbelief, Gideon made it more about himself than about God. Yet there is much hope and encouragement to be gained from this story: if God used Gideon in his weakness, then He can still use us!

Spiritual discernment from within means we take ownership of our choices. We will not always get it right, but no situation is outside of God’s grace. We learn in hindsight and we grow in faith for next time. When we look outside ourselves for signs dictating which way to go, we are abdicating our responsibility and setting ourselves up to shift the blame when things get tough. We cannot change something for which we do not take responsibility. Rather than being victims of circumstances, growing in spiritual discernment helps us to be empowered within our circumstances.

The Bible is full of prophecy, signs and confirmations. The difference between these and Gideon’s fleece is that they are initiated by God and not humans. God tells Moses what to do with His staff. God sends dreams to Joseph and Pharaoh. God grants words to the prophets of the Old Testament. God sends His angels to Mary, Joseph, and Zechariah. Like each of these ancients, we want to recognise messages from God. And like Mary we want to respond in faith: “I am the Lord’s servant. May your word to me be fulfilled” (Luke 1:38).

Growing in discernment

It is encouraging to know we can grow in spiritual discernment. Will we get it wrong? Sure! But who hasn’t also learned from getting it wrong. I know I have entered situations with uneasiness only to have them end in a big mess, but I learned from that and will recognise the Holy Spirit’s guidance more easily the next time.

My story about moving to Canada was a huge decision, but honestly, God guides us in big decisions and small. Come to think about it, there have been so many times I have known something in my spirit before being fully aware of it in my mind: choosing whether or not to attend an event, deciding how much to try do in one day (too much equals exhausted tears later), even when buying clothing or gifts.

There are many decisions that don’t matter which option we choose. God trusts our choices and so can we. We can act freely as long as we are submitted to His ways and open to correction from leadership. God will guide us clearly when He has something specific in mind for us. As for choosing wrongly? God is God and He works all things in conformity with the purpose of His will (Ephesians 1:11). As we get to know His character and spend more time with Him, we grow to know Him and are able to discern more clearly. (Read more about practical tips on making decisions well.)

At the time I was sensing to move to Canada, I had great peace. That peace has not left me a decade later. It is how I know that I know I am where I am meant to be. Below is the poem I composed when trying to describe what I was sensing in my spirit.

As you look ahead to the new year, what are you trying to discern? Can you tell if you feel peace about it, or uneasiness? What might God be showing you from within and confirming through others or your surroundings? May you be delighted as you act in obedient faith and meet God!

---

Reflective exercises for growing in spiritual discernment

• Think back to times in your life when you “just knew” something. Try to describe how it felt and how you knew.
• If you are making a decision at the moment, try to identify whether you feel peace or unrest in your heart.
• Ask God for wisdom and discernment to make specific decisions you are facing.
• Think back to a time when you acted despite an unsettled feeling. What were the consequences?

I’ll have to write another blog post on testing what we discern. Here are some pointers for now.

• God never leads us against something He has already revealed in the Bible.
• Submission to leaders in spiritual authority over us is for our protection.
• We can learn from judging a decision by its fruit.

---

Emergent Dream

There is a dream inside that I just can’t quite tap into
There is something great about to emerge
A marvel yet to be fathomed and brought to existence
Go gently and quietly. Go boldly
Do not quit
Do not leave
Do not stop
I listen for words spoken before they were ever necessary
Sleeping dreams are meant to be awakened

The moment is tangible. I reach out, but I grasp only
rules, laws, customs.
It is a matter of time before I will run with
a passion the world mocks outwardly while secretly aspiring to it

Soon I will know
Sweet will be the day I understand
Sweeter still, the fulfilment of mere possibility

Breathe beauty
Court time
Speak. I will respond

- Sandi Langston, November 2010