You’d think that in 2024 – when we are are connected to one another than ever – loneliness would be a thing of the past. Yet it is one of the top complaints of our society, even amongst Christians. According to a Meta-Gallup survey, last year 27% of young adults 19 to 29 years old across 142 countries reported feeling “very lonely” or “fairly lonely.”

We are relational beings

As humans we are primarily relational beings. We exist in relationship to God, ourselves, and one another, but the fall of humanity disrupted everything, including these relationships. Yes, God is with us all the time, but we also need one another.

Simply put, loneliness is due to a lack of fellowship. Not just any companionship or friendship, but specifically Christian (or Biblical) fellowship (Greek, koinonia).

Just because we hang out with people all the time does not mean that we have rich fellowship. I can think of several times I, as a Christian, have hung out with other Christians and walked away feeling empty. This is because we did not experience Christian fellowship during our time together. 

Let’s take a look at Christian fellowship before we consider loneliness regarding our bodies, souls, and spirits.

Christian Fellowship 

The fellowship described in the Bible goes beyond simply gathering together or “a friendly feeling between those who share an interest.” Christian fellowship is a unity in relationship that comes from the Holy Spirit (2 Corinthians 13:14). We belong to one another because of the grace of God.

To have Christian fellowship we must be 

1. In right relationship with God, i.e. we trust in Jesus for our salvation, and 
2. “Walking in the light” i.e. confessing our sin. John reminds us that “if we claim to have fellowship with [God] and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin” (1 John 1:6-7).

Beyond those two requirements, Christian fellowship may include several facets: 

• Gathering together in the name of Jesus – anywhere from two or three to a large group
• Reading the Bible together
• Preaching God’s Word to one another
• Prayer together
• Praise, worship, and singing together
• Enjoying the presence of God together
• Sharing testimonies
• Confessing sin to another
• Partaking of communion together
• Building up one another: encouraging, comforting, challenging
• Bearing one another’s burdens
• Meeting one another’s needs

Each of these activities is communal and we acknowledge God – who is present – as the One to be sought, glorified, listened to, worshipped.

Beyond ourselves

Christian fellowship is not an end in itself. It is not a feel-good club we join. It has a greater purpose of “an active partnership in the promotion of the gospel and the building up of believers” (Jerry Bridges, True Fellowship).

We partake in Christian fellowship and build one another up so that we may continue to advance God’s kingdom. Worship, prayer, and reminding one another of truth helps us renew our trust in God daily. We meet each other’s needs and bear one another’s burdens so we may return our focus to God. 

Paul reminded Christians to encourage and “spur one another on toward love and good deeds” so that God’s kingdom may come and His will be done – and so that He may receive all the glory due to Him (Hebrews 10:24).

Honestly, I hadn’t thought about the far-reaching purposes of Christian fellowship before writing this blogpost.

As humans we have a body, soul, and spirit, and Christian fellowship meets us in each of these ways.

Lonely bodies

The internet has made it easy to connect with people across the globe, but connecting online does not offer the physical touch we need from people who love us. I don’t think I could survive so far from my parents without keeping in touch via modern technology, but I miss their hugs!

Healthy touch does wonders for us humans. Giving or receiving hugs or massages or head ruffles can communicate love and ward off loneliness. One aspect of gathering together in person as the family of God is physical touch. A hug from someone else’s grandma, or a hand on our shoulder when we are being prayed for can mean so much. 

Lonely souls

Regularly partaking in Christian fellowship will meet our soul’s needs for connection with other people. We must come with openness and humility. It won’t do to put on a mask, for then we shall come away not having been known, and therefore not having been accepted and loved as we truly are. 

We cannot have the same depth of relationship with everyone, but we can give and receive encouragement to every brother and sister in the Lord. And we can further fend off loneliness by cultivating spiritual friendship with a few. 

Technology has made it increasingly easier to “gather together.” I don’t need a babysitter to watch my kids while I read the Bible with a friend over video chat. There are many times I wish she would cancel, but each time we both come away encouraged. We meet with God, but we also share in Christian fellowship with each other.

I have also prayed over the phone and been surprised by the manifestation of God’s presence on both sides of the call!

Lonely spirits

Our most important relational connection is to God. Firstly we must be sure we are reconciled to God (i.e. do we consider Jesus our Lord and Saviour?)

Then we must examine whether our times with God are regular and life-giving. If not, we will soon find ourselves out of touch in all our relationships.

We can also consider whether we are feeding ourselves spiritual food. Jesus said “Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.” This “word” is the Greek rhema – “that which is uttered by the living voice.” We need both: the written word of God (logos) is spiritual food, as is His spoken word (rhema), fresh each day.

What is good about loneliness

Loneliness is unpleasant to experience, but it is not bad in itself. It is an emotion with a message: we need to seek out Christian fellowship. Our relational needs are not being met. There is more we can say, but I trust the Holy Spirit is showing you something.

If you are feeling lonely, I encourage you to choose one facet of Christian fellowship and put it into practice. Reach out to someone, and keep reaching out until loneliness makes way for relational richness.

PS. for a more in-depth read on Christian fellowship, see this article.